But there has been a LOT going on. A lot that I wanted to keep private, and still do to an extent, until I better knew what was happening. And I knew that if I sat down and started writing here, it would come out. Because it's at the forefront of my mind, my life, and everything I do right now. I can't really escape it, so trying to write, and NOT write about it, would be impossible.
And no, I'm not going to go into great detail on any of it right now, because I'm still not quite sure what's happening, and I'm still not quite sure I'm ready to share it with the whole world (and yes, I'm also aware that those who read this don't exactly constitute as "the whole world"). I'll just say, that I'm ok. No, I'm good. And I'm proud of the fact that I'm taking a stand, and demanding the answers that I need. I could continue to be that girl who just listens to every doctor, never questions, and just says "ok, you know best". But, now, I have a kid. I'm a mom. It's not just about me anymore. If I don't push, and I don't fight for myself when my gut tells me something isn't right, it doesn't just hurt me. It hurts my kid. I need to know for sure that I'm ok. I can't stand the thought of him living a day of his life without me. I realize that eventually that day will come, but it's not coming now. Nope. Because I'm choosing to be pushy. To be that girl. And you know what? So far, it's paying off. People are realizing that I am actually a college educated woman, who knows how to do research, and who knows what she's talking about. Not just a naive little house wife. That just might save me. Or it might just make it sweeter for the doctors to look at me in the end and say, "Told ya so". But that's fine, too. At least I'll have peace of mind. And sanity. And there's really no price tag for that.
Through it all, I have really discovered just how amazing some of the women in my life are. Women who have listened to me freak out, cry, be angry, and then made me laugh, comforted me, and told me that no matter what, they were there. Even with all the crazy, and the terror, I feel so unbelievably blessed to say that I have these women in my life. You all know who you are, and I hope you know how much I appreciate you and your love.
So. That being said. What else has been happening? Halloween happened. It was good. More stressful for this Mama who wanted it to just be perfect, and who has a son that refused to let me draw his cute little puppy dog nose on him. BUT. He was happy, adorable, and he had fun. So it was a win.
Not many kids can say they got to see both of their Great Grandmas on Halloween, and he can. Which is pretty damn huge to us.
What else? We had a family birthday party last weekend, and I was reminded, again, of how deeply I love my family. We can fight with the best of 'em, but at the end of the day, we're all always there for each other. Together, as one. They are the people I can say anything to, and they still love me. They are the people that I laugh harder with than with anybody else. They are the people that are there for me unconditionally. They are the people that make up my world. And I love each and every crazy one of them.
I am participating in the "30 days of thanksgiving", and making it known what I'm thankful for each day. But I think it's important to say, that I am so thankful so much each and every day, that it's hard for me to pick just one each day, or to put into words just how thankful I am for each of those things. I feel almost ungrateful each day when I update my status with my daily thanks. As if I'm not really voicing how thankful I truly am. So I wanted to say it here. And that's that.
Monday we had our family pictures taken! We only have three sneak peeks so far, but I am in love with each of them, and again, think our photog is amazing. She makes us look good. It's her, truly, all her. Well ok, Landon is pretty damn adorable even without her, but she just makes him even more perfect.
Yesterday was election day. This is not the part where I reveal who I voted for, and go into a huge political rant about why I am or am not happy about what the American people decided yesterday. If that's what you want, you're going to have to look somewhere else. Instead, this is the part where I say that I am happy with some areas of the election, and not happy with others, I think pretty much everyone can say that. If you got everything you wanted out of the election, that's awesome! Congratulations! But hey, please don't be the jerk who puts down everybody that didn't vote the same way you did. You got what you wanted, so just be happy with it. And those of you who didn't get what you wanted, don't feel defeated, don't put people down. At least you had the chance to have your say. At the end of the day, this man is still your President, whether you voted for him or not. So show some support. You don't have to agree with everything he says or does, you don't even have to like him. But you do have to respect him. And if you hate him that much, move to Canada. That's all I'll say on that.
For now, I'm off to take a much needed nap. And I'm going to love every second of it.