Happy New Year, friends!!!
As promised, I have been putting a ton (probably way too much) time into planning out my "resolutions" for the year.
I generally don't do the whole resolution thing, because I feel like it's just a list of things that people want, but will never actually accomplish past the first two weeks of January.
But, I'm a mother now. And I have a little man that deserves for me to continually keep trying to better myself. To keep making plans, and setting goals, and working my butt off to be the mom he deserves, or to be a mom worthy of him.
So, I've been thinking. I've been drafting. I want reasonable goals. Goals that will actually make a difference, not just silly goals. Goals that MEAN something.
Amidst my soul searching and drafting, I ran across a list on a blog I have been following, and it felt like I was reading exactly what I wanted to say myself. She gave me direct permission to copy and paste her list, but I want to give you the link, and hope that you'll go read, and you'll discover another corner of this huge internet where you feel like somebody else "gets it". Because every time I read her entries, I feel like she just "gets it". So, if you have a minute, hop over and read Jen's "Maintenance Plan" on A Daily Dose of Davis. And while you're there, look around a bit. I promise, mamas, you won't regret it. I feel like maybe my resolution should just be to be more like her altogether.
But I do want to emphasize the portions of her list that mean the most to me, the parts that I feel like I REALLY need to work on this year....and a few others things that she has probably already mastered, and I'm still working on.
Patience. Yeah, I need more of it. With my husband and my son. I'm a type A personality, no secret there and I feel like I'm OCD about some things. I need to learn to realize that Jeremy and Landon are NOT me. They don't always see things the way I do, they won't always do things the way I would, and that's OK. I find myself jumping down their throats way too often, either because they aren't moving fast enough for me, or because they just aren't doing it the way I want it done. It needs to change. I need to be the mom and the wife that allows them to be themselves, and loves the way they do things, even when it's different from me. I need to not rush Landon when he's taking 10 minutes to put away the blocks, because he IS putting away the blocks. I need to see it for what it's worth and be grateful. That's a five minute job that might take him 15, but it just saved ME those 5 minutes. Patience. I need some of that in 2013.
Which leads me to focus on Relaxing. Let's face it, I TOTALLY need to relax. I get way too uptight about way too much. What? You didn't think I knew that? No, no. I do. And I promise you I don't want to always HAVE to have a plan, or be such a clean freak or germaphobe. I really don't. And I really do NOT want to always feel so heartbroken and let down when things don't go exactly the way I had pictured them. I have a toddler, it's going to be rare that things go as planned. I need to step back, RELAX, and find the beauty in the journey that we DO take, instead of the one that I PLANNED on taking. Because at the end of the day, he is everything I have ever wanted, and then some. Enjoying every ounce of him should be all that matters. Even if it means the bathroom doesn't get cleaned that day.
Which pretty much just sums up that I need to Enjoy life more. I spent so much time over the holidays analyzing everyone we came in contact with, trying to figure out if they looked symptomatic of the stomach flu, that I lost a ton of time to just enjoy being with the ones I love the most. And at the end of the day, what is worrying about the stomach bug going to do for me? Nothing. If we're going to get it, we're still going to get it. I need to stop, enjoy what is happening around me, and know that if we DO get it, we'll get through it. Just like everybody else that gets it does. But it doesn't stop at freaking out about the stomach bug. I feel like there are Sundays (ok, MOST Sundays) that I don't allow myself to enjoy church, because I'm worried that Landon is making too much noise, or he's about to crawl under that pew, or pull that ladies hair. And the fact is, our church is the one place that I DON'T have to worry about him being too loud and people caring. Will I let him scream from start to finish? Um no. But if he claps enthusiastically and yells "YAY!!!" every time the congregation stops singing, I need to laugh, give him a kiss, and ENJOY how stinking cute he is. Not be mortified. I need to take the time to enjoy God's message for ALL of us, not just for those who don't have to worry about a squirmy toddler. At the end of the day, I just need to enjoy EVERYTHING a little bit more.
Including my husband. I have been blessed with a man who doesn't withhold "I love you"'s, and kisses and hugs are ever present in his world. And while I'd like to say I'm the same way, I hate to admit that most days, by the time he comes in the door, I am so overwhelmed with what the day has thrown at me that a kiss seems like silliness that I just don't have time for. And of course, I'm too consumed with myself and the toddler tornado that has been running through our house all day to ask him about his day. I need to improve. I need to be a better wife. I need to show him as much love as he shows me, as freely as he gives it. I need him to know that I care about HIS day too, and what happened while he was away from us. I need to be grateful that he leaves the house everyday to work his tail off so that I can stay here and stress out over cleaning and toys and lunches and diapers. I have a great life, and it's because of him. He needs to know that.
I need to do all of these things to add up to be a better mom. Because at the end of the day, that's what I'm here for. To be a mom. To the most handsome, funny, energetic, amazing little boy around. And he deserves the absolute best. So this year, I need to work on being that. I'll never be perfect, and I know that. But I can be perfect for him. That's all that matters.
I could list about 12,000 other things that I would love to say I will make happen in 2013, but these are the most important. If I can accomplish these, the rest will just be icing on the cake. And I'm going to try to approach it just like Jen does. It might not all be perfect by December 31st, but if I've made PROGRESS in each area, I'll call it a successful year. I can't believe I've never looked at my resolutions in that way before. I just always felt like if I wasn't entirely accomplished by the end of the year, it was a failure. So Jen, if you're reading this, thank you. For putting it into perspective. For making it feel more attainable. For being the person you are, that makes me feel like I'm not alone, and we could absolutely be friends if our worlds ever happened to collide.
I hope you all had a wonderful, safe New Years Eve, and that your New Years Day is spent with those you love, celebrating the start of another year. Let's make it the best yet!