Thursday, October 4, 2012

Oh the anxiety...

So I have been trying to hold off until the dresser was completely renovated to update on here again. But, it's taking longer than expected (thanks to a slow hubbs and an over eager me who made a boo boo), and I have things to say. But. I will offer a little sneak peek, because it IS looking fabulous....

Eeeek. Such a tease, but HOPEFULLY by this weekend I can reveal the whole shebang. 

In other news, Landon suddenly got a high fever again Tuesday afternoon, and wound back up at the doctor yesterday morning. Apparently one ear is still infected, and clearly, still making him miserable. So we are playing the Tylenol / Advil every 4 hours game, and that includes all night long. Exhausting. But...even with a fever, he's still the cutest damn thing I've ever seen.

So basically, he's a Jeremy clone.

Some serious morning reading.

I mean....cutest ever.

Oh but wait. Have I neglected to mention that I am a huge ball of mess this week? If you know me at all, you know that I struggle with anxiety, big time. I'm not ashamed to say it, and I'm not ashamed to say that I see someone every other week for it, and up until last week, I took medication daily for it. But, we want to start trying for baby number 2, and I can't be taking anything, unless I want to risk an unhealthy baby, which no, I don't. There is nothing worth risking that for. So, together, and with the help of my awesome OB, we decided that I would start weaning myself off it. Of course, the weaning process started last week while we were in the throws of my Grandmother fighting off death, which started the tailspin. Then this week, when I finally stopped taking it all together, my kid had a 103 fever, I was tackling the largest DIY project I've done yet, and my husband started class, making him gone THREE nights a week instead of just two. Add to that the dizzy spells, light headedness, nausea, and returning anxiety, and I have been a wreck. Literally a mess. I have had meltdowns over the stupidest things, felt like the scum of the earth, and felt like the only place I could function from was my spot on the couch. I'm told this is the "withdrawal" phase. To that I say, BLAH! I see why drug addicts keep taking their drug of choice. This stinks!! AND, according to my research, this could last up to THREE WEEKS. Basically, if you have had to deal with me over the couple weeks, or are dealing with me now, I'm sorry. And Mom, sorry that I started balling and needed to go punch a pillow when I called you and you simply said "You couldn't wait for your dad, huh?". Because I did. I balled for 5 minutes, and smacked a pillow. While Landon looked at me like I was nuts. Then he crawled up on my lap, put his head on my shoulder, and gave me a kiss. And THAT folks, is why I'm doing this. Why I'm putting myself through the "withdrawal" phase. Because there is no replacement for a babe's love. And I want another one. Another healthy one.

It's looking like sandwiches for dinner, because Jeremy won't be home until 8, I couldn't care less about eating at this moment, and I have a flipping stripped screw on my dresser / entertainment center that I am DETERMINED to make work. Argh!

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